Clerks II: The Naruto Edition
by Darth Azrael
Summary: An unfinished idea of Clerks II with Naruto as Randal and Sasuke as Dante. If you like it, tell me and i'll finish it and re-post it.


**Clerks II.**

The Naruto Edition

**Hello my duckies. This is the unfinished work for a Naruto/Clerks crossover that i never really finished. But i decided to post the unfinished product and if enough people like it, i'll finish it.**

**Sasuke's Inferno**

A car pulls up in front of the Quick Stop convenience store. The door opens and a familiar figure steps out and walks over to the shutters while he tucks his sunglasses into his jacket pocket. He unlocks the shutter and lifts it up and sees an inferno raging in the store. He closes the shutter. Hoping it was just a dream he puts his sunglasses back on and opens the shutter again, but the inferno was still raging. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed 911. "Yeah I got a fire at the Quick Stop.", he said.

About an hour later Sasuke was sitting on the fire engine while a team of fire fighters cleared the building. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Naruto, a newspaper tucked under his arm, walk into the store only to be pushed back out by an annoyed looking fire fighter. Sasuke waved him over and Naruto walked over to join him at the engine. Another fire fighter walks out and drops the cash register on a small pile of drywall and concrete. When it hit the ground a small chime was heard. Naruto looked at Sasuke. "Terrorists?", he asked. Sasuke gave him a look that screamed "_What?_"_. _He shook his head. Naruto looked back at the store and an expression of realization crossed his face.

He sighed. "I left the coffee pot on again didn't I?", he asked. Sasuke nodded. Naruto tossed his paper on the ground exclaiming "Shit. Now where am I gonna bring chicks to fuck when my dad's home?" Sasuke looked at him in shock.

**Skip ahead one year.**

Sasuke drove up in front of Naruto's house and honked the horn. Naruto walked down his back porch stairs, out his back gate, jumped on top of Sasukes car and walked across the hood before hopping in the passenger seat. "So", he said as they drove to work, "ready for your big last day?". "I am.", was Sasuke's answer. "When do you and your old lady head down to Florida?", Naruto asked. "Tomorrow morning. Cars all packed up."

"Gonna do anything crazy before you leave New Jersey forever?", Naruto asked. "How long have you known me?", said Sasuke. "If I were you I'd spray-paint 'EAT PUSSY' across the side of the building in huge letters.", Naruto said laughingly as he popped a piece of gum into his mouth. "Why?", asked Sasuke. Naruto chuckled. "Let'em know you were there man.", Naruto said. "I'd rather let them know I'm not an asshole.", said Sasuke. "To late for that.", said Naruto as he tossed his gum out the window and popped another piece into his mouth. "I'm really gonna miss you man.", said Sasuke sarcastically.

They continued to drive for about twenty minutes past a Pizza Hut and the mall before turning in to the parking lot of the Quick Stop. They stared at it for about two minutes before Naruto said: "I can't believe they haven't done anything with that yet.". Sasuke scoffed. "Lord did something with it. He smited that hellhole." "Listen to you", said Naruto, "are you telling me you don't miss that place at all?". Sasuke scoffed again. "God no, you?", he asked. Naruto shrugged. Sasuke looked at him. "Of course not.", he said as he pulled out of the parking lot and continued driving. After about twenty minutes they pulled into the Mooby's parking lot. As they got out of the car Sasuke looked at the wall facing the street. Spray painted across the side of the building in huge letters was 'EAT PUSSY'. Sasuke looked at Naruto, who just laughed as they went inside and went through the process of opening the restaurant.

They both punched in and Sasuke turned on the various signs that showed how great New Jersey is. He then turned the coffee pot on (A/N: he had made it a point to never let Naruto near anything that even _rhymed_ with coffee again.) and put a few tomatoes through the slicer while Naruto opened a can of burger patties and sliced lettuce for the lunch rush later that day. Sasuke retrieved a can of egg food product, (A/N: which is what fast food restaurants actually use, not real egg) slicing them into parts and putting several on the grill while Naruto started putting patties on the grill as well.

When the patties and eggs were done Sasuke put a piece of cheese on the patty and put them on a biscuit and put them on a storage rack to keep them warm. He then walked over to the counter and started putting placemats on plastic trays while Naruto continued cooking patties.

Outside the restaurant a beat up looking van rolled by. As it passed two figures appeared seemingly out of nowhere blasting a death metal song. One was a rather large but short guy wearing a long overcoat while the other was tall wearing a beanie and thrashing to the songs intro. As the lyrics started the large guy whistled twice and tossed a can of red bull to the tall man, who caught it, took a long swig, and kicked the half-full can into the air screaming "GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!".

**The New And Improved Shikamaru and Silent Choji**

"You know," said Shikamaru as he looked at Choji, "Sometimes I wish I'd done a little more with my life than standin' in front of places sellin' weed and shit." Choji looked at him and raised his eyebrows quizzically as if to ask "Like what?". "Like maybe be an animal doctor. I mean why not me? I like seals and shit.", said Shikamaru. Choji nodded his head approvingly hoping his childhood friend would actually follow through and go legit. "Or maybe an astronaut. Yeah. I could be the first motherfucker to see a new galaxy. Or find a new alien life form.", Shikamaru continued and Choji continued to nod. "And fuck it.", Shikamaru said. Choji looked at him with an expression of shock on his face. "And people'll be like: 'There he goes. Homeboy fucked a Martian once.'", said Shikamaru to a disturbed looking Choji, who simply looked away. "Holy shit", said Shikamaru pointing at two people walking towards them.

The one on the left looked like your standard emo kid. His hair was dyed a dark red and had black eyeliner around his eyes. He had the Japanese kanji for love tattooed above his left eye. He wore a dark red long sleeve shirt underneath a grey vest, and matching red pants and grey boots and had a gourd shaped backpack on his back. The guy next to him looked more like a goth. He had purple eyeliner on and wore a black hooded sweatshirt with the hood pulled up that had a circle with a line cutting it in half on the sweatshirt, the left half was yellow while the right half was purple. He wore matching black denim jeans and black boots.

"Our first customers since our triumphant return act cool", said Shikamaru as Choji leaned on him and crossed his arms. The red haired kid reached them and said: "You guy's holding?". Shikamaru chuckled. "Shit everything but coke, heroine and your cock.", said Shikamaru. "Can I get a nickel bag?", the red haired kid asked. Shikamaru smiled. "Fifteen bucks little man put that shit in my hand. Na, na, nanga, nanga na na.", he said in a sing song voice. The goth kid looked at the red haired kid with a _"What the fuck?", _expression. "He likes to sing.", said the red haired kid. "Obviously", said the goth kid as the red haired kid handed over the money and Choji handed him a small blue bag which the goth kid pocketed.

"I haven't seen you guy's around in a while. Where you been all this time?", asked the red haired kid. "Me and silent Choji finally bought a car and we're cruising down to the boardwalk. Fucking Middletown cop pulls us over on suspicion of mischief.", Shikamaru said. "What the fuck does that mean?, asked the red haired kid. Shikamaru shrugged. "We were drivin' around with a deployed airbag. Cop pulls us over and finds two pounds of Jamaican lambs wolf. Prosecutor wants to put us away for a dime but the judge gives us rehab instead." "Shit rehab?", asked the red haired kid. "Yup, yup.", responded Shikamaru. "How long were you in?", asked the goth. "Six months friend. We got six months and two days on the wagon as a good friend of Bill W's", said Shikamaru as he reached in his jacket and pulling out a blue pin.

"Check it out.", he said holding up the pin. "Got it two days before we got out." "But if your holding all the time aren't you gonna be tempted to get high?", asked the goth kid. "Not with the power of Christ on my side sir.", said Shikamaru as Choji held up a small black book. "Is that a fucking bible?", asked the goth kid. "HEY THE HOLY FUCKING BIBLE SON!", exclaimed Shikamaru while Choji gave the goth kid a mean look. "What the fuck kinda songbird Jesus freak dealers did you bring me to?", asked the goth kid. "I like 'em man their funny.", said the emo kid. "They're fucking stupid.", said the goth kid. "You should read your bible sirs. You'll find all types of weird shit in there.", said Shikamaru. "Hey did you know Jesus was a Jew?", asked Shikamaru. "Yeah", said the goth kid.

Meanwhile, in the restaurant, Naruto was typing on the computer while Sasuke was ringing up an order. "I need two egga Mooby muffins and we're almost outta hash browns.", said Sasuke. "Hold on.", said Naruto. Sasuke grabbed the microphone. "NOW Naruto.", he said. Naruto rolled his eyes, logged off the computer, and hopped over the counter. "What are ya writin' over there your memoirs?", asked Sasuke. "I'm battling this jackass on his blogs message board.", said Naruto pulling patties off the grill. "About what?", asked Sasuke. "About how he has to much free time and no life.", said Naruto. "Says the guy whose flaming him on his website.", said Sasuke putting napkins in a bag.

"I can't help it the guy pisses me off. It's this fuck in a wheelchair preying on everyone else's sympathies. Writin' these long diatribes about how he'll never walk again, and how walkers should appreciate the blessings of their functioning leg's.", said Naruto wrapping up the sandwiches. And placing them in boxes. "Those diatribes as you call them sound like some poor crippled guy pouring out his heart and feelings.", said Sasuke. "Oh fuck him. Tryin to guilt me into walking around more because he's all gimped out. What kinda mind fuck is that shit?", asked Naruto. "So I've been getting into it with him throwin' it back in his stupid crippy boy face about how I love to just sit around and how I'd rather drive to the end of the block than walk.", said Naruto laughingly walking up to the counter with the sandwiches. "The guy's in a wheelchair.", said Sasuke.

"Yeah, that's why I called him crippy boy.", said Naruto as he dropped the sandwiches into a bag and pushed it across the counter. "Have a good one.", he said to the people across the counter. "You fuckin' freak.", said a girl whose bare arms were covered by tattoos and her face full of piercing before grabbing her boyfriend by the hole in his earlobe and painfully dragging him out. Naruto and Sasuke stared at them as they left. "I'm not even gonna point out the irony here.", Naruto said. "What's the matter with you?", asked Sasuke. "What'd I do now?", asked Naruto. "There's a crippled guy who found a way to reach out to a world he feels isolated from and you somehow found a way to take issue with it.", said Sasuke. Naruto rolled his eyes. "Sure take his side", he said. "Have you become so embittered that you now feel the need to attack the handicapped?", Sasuke asked.

"What handicapped the guy's just in a wheelchair it's not like he's Anne Frank or somethin." said Naruto angrily. "Anne Frank?", asked Sasuke confusedly. "Yeah Anne Frank. The chick that was all blah" said Naruto acting like a mentally handicapped person and running his hands all over Sasuke. "'til the miracle worker showed up and knocked some smarts into her.", he continued. "Your talking about Helen Keller.", said Sasuke with a laugh. "No I'm not, I'm talkin' about Anne Frank she was deaf, dumb and blind.", Naruto said. "No she wasn't. Helen Keller was deaf, dumb and blind.", said Sasuke. "Are you sure?", asked Naruto. "Yup.", said Sasuke. "Than who the fuck's Anne Frank?", he asked. Sasuke sighed. "Anne Franks a little Jewish girl who hid from the Nazi's in a secret room with her family. She wrote a diary.", said Sasuke in a tone that said 'you should already know this'. "Oh yeah.", Naruto said. "Well I guess this guy is like Anne Frank what with the diary and all.", he continued as he walked over to the drive thru register. Sasuke yelled, "No. He's like Helen Keller, with the handicapped ya jerk". "Always gotta be right dontcha, Nazi douche bag.", Naruto said before putting the headset up to his ear. "What, what do you want?", he said. "No we don't serve cow tippers in the morning. Freedom toast is a possibility." he said in response to the customers question as a beige truck pulled into the parking lot.


End file.
